A Raging Case of the 'I Shoulds'

Hi, I’m Jess aka Loadofolbobbins and I write about my experiences as a textile artist and illustrator. Please subscribe to support my work and if you want, read more of my stories and interviews. You can also find me on Instagram and shop my bright, bold and sustainable accessories on my website.

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For the last two weeks...one week...no two weeks...to be honest I can't remember, but either way, for too long I have been suffering from a raging case of the I shoulds. You know the ones, the ones that ambush you just as you've finally found that comfortable spot on the sofa and start telling yourself all the things you should be doing. In what is possibly not a coincidence, they manage to time it perfectly to coincide with when you are at your most emotionally and physically exhausted.

Let's face it, there's plenty going on in the world at the moment to leave all of us feeling distraught and exhausted right now. What greater I should is there than to be faced with the suffering of others all the while you're safe yourself. You feel like you should be doing so much more and perhaps sometimes we could, especially when we're in positions of power, (looking at you political leaders). But there are times when the I shoulds tip into dangerous territory for everyone, we let the giant to do list stomp it's big size nines over everything, including our much needed recuperation time, and it's then when, you know what, we really shouldn't.

Yes I know...easier said than done and so I have been finding for however many weeks it's been. As always, there are a number of contributing factors as well as the general strains most of us are feeling. I've hit an annoying pause point in some exciting plans I'm developing, due to what can only be described as a technical hitch, (don't you just love them!). It involved getting an up to date photo ID, the process of which is somewhat laughable and is only easy apparently if, you guessed it, you already have a photo ID. When things beyond our control halt or pause plans like this you get a kind of thought whiplash, or at least I do! All the energy that had been focused on this one thing gets stored up and decides to vent itself via the I shoulds, and as night follows day the inevitable overwork and inability to just rest leads to physical run down-ed-ness, which is no good to anyone. If like me you've ignored all warning signs and let the I shoulds get the better of you I definitely recommend reading

Janelle Hardacre

’s post ‘What can you put in place?’, she's got some fabulous tips and advice for such occasions.

Experiencing this again has led me to pondering the very nature of the term ‘should’, accumulatively over many years we have been bombarded with messages telling us how we should be, to be a woman you should look like this, to be a man you should feel or not feel this, you should read this book, you shouldn't read that... if you don't fit into the impossible model of what others tell you you should be, or sit somewhere else on the incredible spectrum of humanity, then shame on you, you've failed. The people raging about other people's ‘shoulds' are doing it for just this reason to make everyone feel so ashamed and guilty for just existing that they'll be too exhausted to see them for who they really are; bullies. It's no coincidence that generally these people don't meet their own so called exacting standards and have done some appalling things they don't want to be found out for, so a-shouting loudly they will go. But we see you, we know you and you can shove your shoulds back from whence they came. Amidst the bombardment of shoulds it feels like we've forgotten to just let each other be. Be kind, be empathetic as well as being yourself whatever form that might take and we might all start to collectively recover from this raging case of the I shoulds.

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